Big difference between before and after dating? Teaching you to look for clues on a date to determine if the person is really right for you (above)

I still remember a relationship in the past, when we first got together everything was beautiful, that was the first time I tasted the flavor of love, many nights like being surrounded by bubbles of happiness, I asked myself: so, this is what it feels like to be in love? Am I dreaming?

Soon after we started dating, everything suddenly stopped being the same, but I was so afraid of losing it that I started to give in to myself, go along with it, and tell myself that there was still hope. As a result, I shrunk myself smaller and smaller, and I was so uncomfortable with him that my friends advised me to break up, but I couldn’t let go. It wasn’t until the other party chose not to contact me again that I finally realized that it would not work out.

I always thought that he had suddenly changed, but as I learned from my relationships, I realized that it wasn’t that he had changed, but that I hadn’t seen it before we started dating, or I should say, I had chosen not to see it.

In the dating or new relationship stage, there are actually some clues for you to follow, so that you can judge what kind of person he is and whether he is suitable for you to continue.

But we are all fragile and imperfect people, and when it comes to love, it’s hard to be rational.

This is especially true if he is your first love, or if you are desperate to be needed and accompanied. So we expect him to be the one, and it’s like putting on a pair of “love dream” glasses, where you only see and magnify the good things about him, while automatically ignoring the clues that could become problems in the future – after all, who wants to be disappointed again?

There is truth in the phrase “better to have a long pain than a short one”. Being honest in the early stages of a date or a relationship can prevent you from entering into a tortured relationship, and the more time you spend on it, the more you won’t be able to let go of it, and even if it’s painful, you won’t be able to walk away from it until the relationship ends, and you don’t believe in love any more.

What’s more, one of the most valuable things in life is “time”. If dating clues can help you more accurately determine whether the relationship is worth continuing, it will save you and me time. Don’t forget, the more painful the end of the relationship, the longer the recovery period will be.

Here are a few common dating clues and warning signs to help you make an easier judgment:

 We do need to respect each other’s pasts, but if he avoids talking about them, you have no way of understanding him and how his past has affected him.

Or if you’ve been dating for a while, and you accidentally hear someone else mention or discover his past, it may be behavior you can’t accept at all, or it may make you start to wonder: do I really know this person? Can I still love him?

Waiting until you have invested your time and feelings to make such a discovery is definitely not something you would like to see.

  1. You can’t fit into his circle of life: he avoids talking about his family, doesn’t let you get in touch with his family or friends.

Getting into each other’s lives does take time, but if you find that he’s purposely avoiding talking about them or shutting you out, it’s probably a warning sign. Think about it: If you really like someone, you want them to get to know themselves, their friends and family, and your world.

But a person who refuses to let you into his life, the result is that you can’t see the difference and consistency in the way he treats you and other people. Difference comes from the fact that he values you more, and consistency comes from the fact that he believes in certain values, such as being genuine and kind to everyone.

You may not be able to get a fuller picture of this person because of this, let alone imagine what it would be like to have your life circle overlap with his.

It’s like everything is perfect and you feel like you’ve found a gem!

I know that when you start a relationship, you look at the other person as perfect, otherwise there wouldn’t be a saying that “the beauty in the eye of the beholder is the beauty in the eye of the beholder”.

But if you think he is perfect for you, then be careful. People can’t be perfect, even if they are rich, handsome, white, thin and beautiful, they will still have their vulnerabilities, frustrations and troubles.

If he always “looks” perfect, he may not be real, but he only lets you see one of his appearance, or he hides the problems and realities in his life.

Also, in what situations do you show weakness in front of another person? When you trust and care about someone enough. If the other person is slow to show vulnerability and share his troubles with you, another possibility is that he is a person who has a habit of running away from his problems, pretending that everything is fine, or shutting himself away from you.

If this is the case with your partner, it’s likely that they won’t be able to trust you enough to enter into a relationship, let alone an intimate one.

  1. He’s always “on the line”, eager to interact with you, and often tries to explore your other relationships.

When he sends a message, he always reads it in seconds, or keeps throwing new topics, waiting for your response; when you don’t reply immediately, you can seem to smell his anxiety; or, in the process of chatting, he always intentionally or unintentionally tries to find out your relationship with other people of the opposite sex, and is full of curiosity about this matter.

Such behavior may reveal that he is a relatively insecure and anxious dependent person in his relationship. If you are a relatively independent person with your own center of gravity, being with such a person for a long time may put you under pressure because you want him to feel at ease, but you never seem to do enough. He always hope that you can give more time and companionship, more attention and greetings, more mind without distractions only to him.

  1. to be obedient to you, to have what you want, and to come as you please

He did his best to satisfy you, you say one, he will not say two; you mentioned what you want, the next day immediately there; you say you lonely, he will immediately put down the matter at hand to come to you.

In love, of course, we will want our beloved to be happy, but if you feel that the other party seems to regard you as the first, or even the only one, then you need to raise the alarm and observe.

It may mean that he has no ego, that he doesn’t value himself, that he doesn’t take care of himself, that he doesn’t love himself, and that he’s actually not capable of loving you. The way he treats you is based on your demands, not on his ability to understand you and love you in the way that suits you best.

When he sacrifices himself infinitely to satisfy you, it will gradually build up to an expectation of “getting something in return”. If you can’t give him the response he’s looking for, he may fall apart and do something that scares him and you. 3.

  1. He says he doesn’t want to settle down, avoids talking about his idea of a stable relationship, or doesn’t want to discuss your future.

If you’re in this situation, you may not have a problem with this guy. However, if you are looking for a serious and stable relationship, you may not be very optimistic about meeting such a person.

This is because he is, consciously or unconsciously, signaling to you his status: he is not ready to enter a serious relationship. It could be that he has been hurt in the past and is extremely disappointed in relationships, or that he is not serious about what he is pursuing.

We may secretly think, “Maybe he’ll be different, maybe I can change him with love. But most of the time, life’s problems are ultimately our own. If he really cared about you, he wouldn’t keep mentioning that he doesn’t want to settle down in front of you, or avoid talking about your future.

We all want to meet a significant other who is willing to share openly and honestly, who is willing to share his hurt and work with you even though he’s really scared to enter a relationship.

You may have seen something of yourself in the above descriptions of your current date, but these pre-relationship signs don’t mean that they or you are a bad or unqualified person to be in a relationship with. The truth is, everyone is imperfect and will always carry some wounds from the past, so the purpose of listing these signs is more like a reminder for us to take out our consciousness to observe the other person as well as ourselves, so that we can see things more clearly.

In the next post, I’ll share the other two types of clues and warning signs, and what to do next after observing them.

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