In a hurry to get out of a relationship, so you repeatedly back off the bottom line? Try setting relationship boundaries for yourself on a date (above)

It’s so hard to meet up with the person you’ve been talking to, and you’re so cautious that you’re afraid of destroying your budding relationship if you’re not careful. So, even if there are some uncomfortable situations on the date, you don’t dare to say anything, fearing that if you express your rejection or dislike to the other person, you may lose the opportunity to develop or leave a bad impression.

Or, in your past relationship experiences, you often ask yourself, “Don’t I deserve to be treated well? Why am I always the one who repeatedly backs down and gives in?”

If you’ve struggled with this, I think helping yourself to set relationship boundaries is exactly the kind of challenge you need to overcome.

Relationships need boundaries, and they need to be effective only if you practice what you preach!

What are boundaries? It’s “the way you allow someone to treat you, so that they know what you can and can’t accept”.

Often in relationships we feel disrespected, controlled or treated irresponsibly. It may be the other person’s fault, but we are partly responsible for it, just as in a pas de deux dance, the steps are woven together by both people, so too are the interactions in a relationship. When we don’t set appropriate boundaries, we are, in a way, teaching others how they can treat us.

And during the course of a relationship, boundaries are communicated to the other person in both explicit and implicit ways. Explicit means communicating and explaining to the other person our principles and boundaries for different situations, while implicit means how we really react in the moment when the other person touches the boundary.

For example, you say you can’t tolerate any deception in your relationship, but when you discover deception, you hold it up high and put it down gently; or, you want the other person to give you the right amount of privacy, but when the other person checks your cell phone without your consent, you repeatedly back down as if you tacitly approve of this behavior.

Often your actual reaction will be taken as “your acceptance of boundaries”, which is why “implicit boundaries are more influential than explicit ones”, and how important it is to express boundaries in a way that is consistent with your words and actions.

Therefore, instead of lamenting about the wrong person at the end of the relationship, it is better to set up relationship boundaries at the beginning of the dating stage.

Setting boundaries protects you from giving up your true self out of fear of loss.

Although you may not be familiar with the concept of boundaries, it’s a pity that when we talk about boundaries, we tend to equate it with “setting limits” and “not getting along well”, as if rejecting someone means we are not generous enough and are overly neurotic, especially when we were born into the Chinese value system that always requires everyone to take care of each other, be considerate, and treat each other with courtesy and respect.

But dear, please abandon these views. A healthy relationship requires boundaries to differentiate between you and me, and to recognize the areas of mutual respect. You can also say that boundaries are a kind of “self-definition”, so that the other person knows what he is allowed to do and what he is not allowed to do in the relationship with you. If you keep letting your boundaries go backward out of fear of losing or embarrassment, it also equates to you not respecting yourself.

A girl friend of mine once shared a real-life experience: she and a guy she’d been chatting with on the Internet for a while finally agreed to meet. At first she was very happy to meet this person who was very nice in every aspect, but this happiness, on the contrary, made her worry about missing out. Therefore, she agreed to all of his requests and expectations, including where he wanted to go and asking her about her relationship history. On the second and third dates, he held her hand without her consent and looked at her cell phone while she was in the restroom during dinner. Even though she was very uncomfortable, she chose not to say anything. It wasn’t until the following dates that the situation worsened and after accumulating a lot of resentment that she blocked the other person from further interaction. For her, this experience was not only a loss of development opportunities, but also a lot of aggression.

When the other person has clearly crossed the line, you are still catering and pleasing, repressing grievances and dissatisfaction, which is tantamount to allowing him to continue to treat you in a way that you don’t like. Therefore, when dating, you should practice letting go of the “cautious for fear of loss” heart, to protect yourself in the boundaries of their own masters, and only as a prerequisite for the relationship, will be truly happy.

Setting boundaries for yourself will let you know which ones aren’t really right for you, so don’t waste any more time!

In addition to self-protection, setting boundaries at the dating stage will also help you recognize early on whether the relationship is worth continuing to invest in. Does he give you the respect you need? Or is he uncomfortable with your boundaries? Since the dating stage is usually the best time to shape the way you get along with each other, creating a more objective environment to get to know each other while maintaining boundaries can be very helpful in determining and shaping the next steps of the relationship.

In this regard, I suggest you try sharing your thoughts directly. For example, you don’t like people who are too clingy and look forward to a relationship where you have your own space; or you don’t like surprises, so if you want to meet someone, you want to make an appointment beforehand; or you don’t want to share your biography and past before you’re ready to do so. Of course, you can also ask the other person what he thinks differently about your boundaries? And what are his boundaries?

If you’re not comfortable talking about your own boundaries early on in the relationship, that’s okay, just try to protect yourself by being gentle, firm, and non-judgmental about how you really feel when the other person steps on the line or makes you uncomfortable.

If the other person is mature enough, he will know that this is not a rejection, but you have their own principles, he needs to respect you, but also through this to understand you better; if the other party chose to belittle your feelings, think you fuss, you can also calmly face his decision, but at the same time make a choice in line with their own hearts, early to recognize each other whether it is worth it to continue to invest in your heart and soul.

Therefore, the desire to love you, remember to practice in the dating first set their own boundaries, recognize it, believe that you deserve to be respected by the other side, treat you well, but also in the awareness stage of getting along with the identification of your own feelings, and honestly face the other side, timely expression of the other side to know, through which to observe the way he faces the real response to your boundaries, in order to have a better chance of meeting a suitable and healthy relationship, but also so that you are more comfortable in the relationship! You can also be more comfortable being yourself in a relationship

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