Want to get out of being a tool man? Have you ever heard of the ‘principle of reciprocity’ when chasing a girl?

I believe that many guys have had the following problems when chasing girls:

The most important thing to remember is that there is no other way to chase a girl than to give her a chance to get her back.

The most important thing to remember is that you have to be able to get the best out of your life, and you have to be able to get the best out of your life, and you have to be able to get the best out of your life.

The first thing that you need to do is to get your hands on the best of the best of the best of the best.

If you also feel that there is no alternative to the touching strategy for chasing girls, there may be two reasons. First of all, you may not be confident in front of the opposite sex, so when facing your favorite girl, you always feel that the other side of the high above, you must do everything possible to please, hoping to impress the other side of the heart; or, you do not have a lot of experience with the opposite sex, do not know that the girl for your “only in and not back” pursuit of the offensive, usually only a lot of pressure and distress.

In the end, why is it that giving your heart and soul brings the opposite effect? Is it possible to chase girls as long as for each other to pay, and finally it is difficult to get out of the tool man?

If you want to get out of the tool man, your pay can not let the other side feel pressure

In fact, there is nothing wrong with giving in the pursuit, because giving can bring the distance closer, so that you are closer. But in the early stages of the relationship, usually boys first produce a strong feeling of good, so want to get close to the girls, but for the girls, not to say that there is a strong feeling of good, most of the cases are not feeling, just do not exclude the interaction, so in the time of payment, it must be to let the girls in the case of no pressure, at ease with the gradual occurrence of.

Chasing girls when a one-sided unilateral payment, although it can be close, but will bring pressure, get it wrong not only may not only push the girls farther and farther away, but also may become a tool man. In order to avoid the pursuit of such a result, your payment must be based on the “principle of reciprocity”, through the reciprocity of the back and forth, to achieve no pressure to get close.

Generally speaking, the principle of reciprocity must be based on the principle that both parties can afford to pay. That is to say, when the giver gives too much or too many favors, or when the receiver does not want to interact with the giver, not only will the receiver not be able to enjoy the benefits, but he or she will have the indebtedness of not being able to pay back; and in order to avoid holding on to the feeling of indebtedness, the receiver usually chooses to withdraw slowly, or even consciously alienate himself/herself from the other party.

Did you realize that? This is exactly why most of the guys who have been paying for their favorite girls or who have been trying to please them can’t get out of the fate of the “nice guy”; after all, in the girl’s translation machine, the meaning of “nice guy” is:

“You are good to me I have seen, but your way to make me very stressed, I do not know how to get along with you naturally, but also can not be interested in you, you are a good person, thanks to contact again.

If you want to avoid making a girl feel indebted because of what you’ve given her, or end up leaving because of a psychological burden that will instead hasten the end of the relationship, then the scale can’t be overly imbalanced. In other words, you have to find a way to make the girl willing to “give” something.

When chasing girls, how do you get away from being a tool person and make the interaction ‘come and go’?

Think about it, when you first met someone, under what circumstances would you be willing to give?

Usually there are two possibilities: (1) the other party can meet some of your substantive needs, such as money, work, the opportunity to meet the opposite sex, etc., but this kind of relationship, usually accompanied by the disappearance of the interests of the severed (2) the other party and we are very resonant, such as values are similar, have the same interests, etc., this kind of get along with the person will make people feel particularly comfortable and happy, and more likely to be the interaction mode of the back and forth.

In other words, don’t think that the one who is actively pursuing is always the only one who has to “give”! Since the goal is to make the interaction between two people in line with the principle of reciprocity, you must let her feel that the process of getting along with you is very pleasant, and can satisfy the intangible but important psychological needs, so that the girl you like to unconsciously invested in their own time and emotions, or “unconsciously invested more”, so that she slowly believe that their own contribution is worthwhile.

As for why, with the degree of active participation and the accumulation of input, she will be more convinced that you are good? This is because when we put a lot of effort into a certain person or thing, if we abandon it, then it will produce the so-called cognitive dissonance; in order to avoid this cognitive discomfort, the brain will automatically convince itself that the object we choose to invest in is worthwhile.

Utilize the principle of reciprocity when chasing girls, so that she can slowly invest more and more

In the previous article discussing “There are stages in chasing girls”, I shared that when two people enter the “non-rejection stage”, it means that the girl has a pretty good impression of you as a friend, and she doesn’t exclude you from having more interactions with her.

Usually, the first time you go out alone is at this stage. Many people misunderstand the need to be careful on the first date because of “making a good first impression”, dressing up and booking a fancy restaurant, but this is not in line with the “principle of reciprocity”, and will cause too much pressure on the other party, thinking “I just want to take a walk and talk, but he is so well dressed and arranged, should I be more careful too…but our relationship is not at that level…”. But we’re not at that level yet…”

Therefore, I suggest that for the first date alone, just make sure that you are cleanly and simply dressed; as for the date location or activity, grasp the principle of “being able to chat easily, interact freely, and give both parties a chance to get to know each other better,” and have a meal or a cup of coffee to talk about it; or if you happen to have a common interest, it would be nice to arrange an activity based on your hobbies, and all in all, you don’t need to show or show anything deliberately. In short, there is no need to deliberately show or express anything.

In the dating process, there are also many good opportunities to use the “principle of reciprocity”, for example, about to eat a meal together, you can find a number of good restaurants to see which one she wants to go and ask her to make a reservation; shopping together at the night market, you line up first to buy food, you can ask her if she can help to buy a drink; to see a movie before you go to the line early to buy tickets, please ask her to go to the first to buy a popcorn, etc. These small things can make the girl in not have to spend too much money, but also to make the girl in the first place, to buy the ticket. All of these small things can let the girls do not have to spend too much effort and time under the premise, but also have the opportunity to participate in the discussion or arrangement, slowly in the process, unconsciously invested in more, can be considered the practice of the “principle of reciprocity”.

Building Deeper, Closer Relationships with the Reciprocity Principle

What is a deeper ‘principle of reciprocity’? It’s about reciprocity in terms of values, fulfillment, self-esteem growth, and self-actualization.

For example, if you are looking for a job, you can consider inviting the other person to help you look at your resume and give you some advice on how to dress for the interview; or, when you are in a difficult situation or in a low mood, you can share your feelings with the other person at the right time and ask for advice and ideas. When a girl realizes that you are in a better mood or things are going more smoothly because of the encouragement and ideas she gives you, she will feel that her value is being raised, and slowly, she will feel more and more satisfied with you. When the girl realizes that you are in a better mood because of her encouragement and ideas, or when things go more smoothly, she will feel that her value has been raised, and slowly, she will have the opportunity to have a deeper level of emotional commitment and involvement in your relationship.

If you want to meet someone who can go on for a long time, you can also use this communication process to observe whether there is a certain degree of similarity in their values and ideas, and perhaps more calmly assess whether she is worth spending more time and effort on pursuing.

To summarize, the “principle of reciprocity” is actually like peeling an onion, starting with simple things to reciprocate, and then slowly moving in a deeper direction. Master each other’s pace, you invite each other to assist you in things, and you for each other to pay for the degree of the difference is not too big, then you will be able to step by step, all the way to let the two people’s relationship a stage by stage breakthrough.

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