Does talking always mean you’re right for each other? Find the most comfortable relationship with these 4 types of dating topics

Have you ever had someone to indulge in pink bubbles with? I’m sure you enjoyed that feeling too. I still remember my first relationship in college, when the first few meetings with my date made me realize what it means to be in a pink bubble.

I’ve forgotten the exact details, I just remember that we could always walk and talk until dawn while we were at the riverbank or in front of our dormitory. When I returned to my own dormitory in the early morning and recalled the night scene, the happiness always made me giddy… could this be the feeling of pink bubbles? I remember writing it in my diary at that time.

Because of that happiness, I used to think that being able to talk all the time and get along all the time was the right fit, until after I had talked about a few relationships and then I slowly understood that the point of chatting is not really in how long you talk, but in what you talk about. There are always some people whose words can mesmerize you and make you enjoy them and inspire you, but it doesn’t mean that they are right for you.

In the past, when I met someone who attracted me for the first time because I was inexperienced, most of the control of the chat was on the other person. He guided the conversation, shared his thoughts and stories, and I mostly chose to be a listener or a passive player because I didn’t want to ruin the atmosphere, spoil the fun by suggesting different ideas, or make him unhappy.

Now, if I have the opportunity to date again, I think there are at least four types of date topics that I would like to talk about and have a basic understanding of each other during the dating stage before we officially date. The first two types of date topics can be talked about when you’re not that familiar with each other, as if you’re talking to a friend. The last two types of dating topics are recommended to start after you have the desire to enter into a relationship with each other:

Dating Topics I. Imagination and direction for the future

One of the keys to whether or not two people can be together in the long run is whether or not there is a chance for their futures to be intertwined with the least amount of sacrifice. For me, whether the other person wants to have children or not, or wants to work or live abroad, is very crucial because if the answer is different from mine, it will be difficult to reach a consensus on our future, or one of us will have to sacrifice himself/herself, which will easily lead to problems in the relationship in the future.

The following questions will help you to understand each other’s imagination of the future, and you can also find out what are the most crucial conditions for you to plan for the future, just like me:

  1. describe what your ideal day would look like, from morning to evening?
  2. describe what your ideal home would look like? Family members? Any children? What does home look like? Where is the home?
  3. What is the most important accomplishment or goal you would like to achieve in your life?
  4. What do you imagine yourself to be like in ten years? What will you look like when you are 60 years old?
  5. What is your biggest dream in life?
  6. Is there anyone you have special respect for? Why? 7.
  7. Is there anything you have always wanted to accomplish but have not yet done? Why? 8.
  8. Would you like to study, work, or live abroad? For how long? Why? 9.
  9. if someone were to write an autobiography for you when you were old, what would you want the title to be?

Dating Topic 2: Prioritization/Values

There are so many aspects of life that need to be taken care of, so many roles to play, but our time and energy are limited, and there are always times when we need to prioritize and even make trade-offs. For me, it’s important to have similar priorities with my partner, otherwise I can imagine we’ll have a lot of fights in the future when we make joint decisions, or I won’t understand why he spends so much time on something I don’t value so much.

Of course it’s impossible for two people to prioritize in exactly the same way, but it’s best if at least the top few things that are most important to you are the same. The following questions help you understand each other’s priorities in life, or views on different topics (e.g. work, friends, family, etc.):

  1. What are the most important things to you in life? Please rank the top three.
  2. what are the most important ideas you want to bring to your children/next generation/society?
  3. how would you want to organize a day with nothing to do and no cell phone?
  4. if you had only one day left to live, what would you want to do and say to whom?
  5. what is most important to you when making career choices?
  6. how often do you spend time with your family? How often do you spend time with your family? What do you talk about?
  7. How often do you get together with friends? How do you spend time with your friends? What are friends to you?
  8. What is money to you? How much money do you think is enough? Why? 9.
  9. Which makes you feel more excited about pursuing your profession and exploring your passions in life? Why?

Dating Topic 3: Self-Awareness and Inner Vulnerability

Two people in a relationship share not only joy and life, but also the vulnerable side of each other. By vulnerability, I don’t mean complaining about problems at work or who’s making you angry, but rather that you can show your softest side in front of each other and want to believe that the other person will catch it and help each other grow.

The following questions require some knowledge of each other and a foundation of trust before starting a conversation with the other person to help you understand the side of him that may be more vulnerable. You can assess whether you are okay with this and how you can help the other person. But be aware that some of the problems are his own and need to be faced and overcome by him, often taking a lot of time as well, and are you still willing to be there for him?

  1. if there was a magic spell that could remove your worries, which of your worries would you most like to remove?
  2. how often do you spend time alone? What do you do when you are alone?
  3. how often do you cry? What makes you sad or want to cry? What makes you sad or want to cry?
  4. share with me three of your faults and why these three?
  5. what do you think is the stupidest or most embarrassing thing you have ever done?
  6. what is the biggest regret or regret in your life?
  7. what is the most impressive setback? How do you deal with it now that you think about it?
  8. Do you have any secret in your heart that you seldom talk about with others and would like to share with me?
  9. When you close your eyes, what is the one childhood memory you don’t want to remember?
  10. What do you think is your biggest fear?

Dating Topic 4: The concept and ability to love

Love is not just about sex and physical attraction, or whether two people talk to each other. Love requires willingness and ability. Some people want to love, but because they can not love themselves, do not know how to love people. Or they love in a way that they think is right for the other person, but it makes the other person very miserable.

So before you both have the will to enter into a formal relationship, here are some questions to help you understand the other person’s imagination about love and relationships, as well as his ability to love and his weaknesses. You can find common ground together, think about how to overcome them, or recognize the differences in your needs for love, and help each other know how to love better.

  1. What do you think is the difference between liking and loving? What is love?
  2. What do you think is the difference between dating and being in an official relationship? What is important to you in a relationship?
  3. what is marriage to you? What do you think about marriage?
  4. what do you see as the roles of both partners in a relationship?
  5. how did you end your last relationship or a previous relationship that stuck out to you? Why did you end it? If you could do it all over again, what would you do?
  6. what was the most frustrating of your past emotional experiences?
  7. what is your greatest fear or dread in love?
  8. describe me in three key words? Which of my qualities do you like about me? Why? 9.
  9. What do you think are my shortcomings? How can we overcome them when we are together?
  10. What is the happiest or most reassuring moment you’ve had in love? Why? 11.
  11. How do you respond to conflict in a relationship? How would you like your significant other to respond?

Before you ask the other person about any of these dating topics, you need to ask yourself as well. Because you will always need to compare his answers to your own, or frankly, you need to be honest with yourself.

Only by being honest about who you are, what you want, what you imagine relationships and love to be, and the wounds of your past, can you be honest about your next relationship.

As you get older, or as your relationship experience increases, you slowly learn to value yourself. Value your time, value what you give, and value the love you have.

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