What to do when you always fall in too quickly after a short time of knowing each other?

Do you have the same experience in your relationship path: you are always yearning for love, only to fall in and out of it very quickly every time? If you are prone to investing a lot of emotions in a person you are attracted to at the “just getting to know” stage, this may be the root of the problem that causes this infinite loop.

Do you always fall in love with the person you’ve just met and get involved too quickly?

I used to think that love is “falling in” and “heartfelt feelings” are like breadcrumbs, as long as you follow them, happiness is not far away. So when I met someone with a strong attraction, it felt like I was destined to fall in love!

It was not until later that I realized the truth that if you have been single for a long time, it is very rare that you meet a good person, and if you invest a lot of emotion into them right away because you are not following your heartbeat, it is often very difficult for love to blossom.

However, the most important question is, why do you always fall in too quickly?

For example, he has a successful career, considerate and generous to you, when he talked about his family, you can not help but imagine his good father, good husband, so that your impression of him and the good sense of points continue to increase. In fact, after the relationship you realize that he is not very good at dealing with his emotions and gets impatient easily, leaving you disappointed. This is a common psychological phenomenon known as the “halo effect” or “projection”, which makes it easy for us to believe that a person possesses other good qualities because of the initial good impression of the other person when we first met him or her.

Or when two people go on a first date, the other person’s sense of humor makes you happy, and only after meeting for three hours you decide that the other person is the right person. In fact, you know nothing about his personality, values and attitude towards life, and it’s not him you’re in love with, it’s the interaction and feelings that are full of pink bubbles.

Or maybe you are a person with no self-confidence and never felt special, but when he came to you, the care and desire in his eyes made you feel that if you were loved by him, your bleak life would be different, and so you had a flutter. In reality, your fluttering comes from the other person’s interaction with you, because that seems to quietly fill in the missing piece of your heart. What you’re in love with now is just that attention you get from him.

Have you experienced déjà vu with any of these possible reasons for falling in too quickly?

By falling in and out of love too quickly, you may be missing out on the importance of getting to know each other!

I’ve come to realize that in order to enter a relationship that has a higher chance of success, it is important to take “enough time” to get to know each other during the dating stage. Investing too much emotion into a relationship when the foundation of knowledge is weak will not only make the bonding period more difficult, but the initial high expectations and fantasies will also quickly accumulate into dissatisfaction and resentment due to the feeling of discrepancy after the relationship. This kind of love usually comes and goes quickly; although you can always find the next person, as long as you repeat the pattern of “easy to fall in love”, the failed love may continue to repeat itself.

Though heartstrings and attraction are an important part of love, if you are eager to enter into a long-lasting and stable relationship, you can try the following methods to practice putting the brakes on your emotions and cultivate your relationship at a “reasonable pace”.

If you have a tendency to get caught up too quickly, try these three exercises

  1. Getting to Know Yourself: Identifying the Patterns and Reasons Why You Tend to Fall Into Them

I encourage you to take a moment to stop and get to know yourself and try to understand the patterns you tend to fall into. Which of the above possible reasons do you think is most similar to your situation? Is it that you tend to have too many expectations of the other person from the beginning, that you always see the good things in the relationship as the basis for liking the other person, or that you always rely on “a certain trait” in the other person to fulfill your inner emptiness?

In addition to identifying the patterns that you tend to fall into, you can also think about what kind of people make you fall into them easily?

For example, you find that you are most irresistible to “gentle and loving” people, and you are touched by their care and consideration, but you often want to break up with them after the relationship because you are not used to their weakness or dependence. This is probably because your parents have been strict with you since you were a child, so you have a hidden sense of lack of love in your heart, which makes it especially easy for you to fall in love with this kind of object when you meet them.

Exploring the patterns and reasons why you fall in love easily can help you to be alert to yourself when you meet new people in the future, and remind yourself to consciously and objectively recognize each other.

  1. Establish the right mindset: try to get to know each other more and refuse to be kidnapped by the feeling of being in love again.

If you’ve only been on one or two dates, and you’re already attracted to him, or even recognize him, you need to stop and ask yourself, “What do I really like about him?

Your answer will reflect how much you know about him. If all you can think of are shallow reasons, such as “he’s my type”, “he’s good at his job”, “it’s fun to be with him”, I suggest you spend more time with him. Although a partner’s external qualities are important, the inner personality traits of both partners are usually more relevant to maintaining a long-term and stable relationship.

You can build a deeper understanding through lots of conversations. If you know about his successes and glamor, you can also try to understand his frustrations and losses, and his vulnerabilities that are difficult for him to talk about, and if you still sincerely appreciate these aspects and traits of his, I believe that this will be a great sign for the development of your relationship.

  1. Adjust the pace of dating: Dating as many different people as possible will help you know what kind of person you are suitable for.

Nowadays, people live a very tight and busy life, but the circle of friends is very small, which makes it even more difficult to meet new people. When we are not easy to meet a not too bad object, in the absence of comparative benchmarks, obviously only know a short time, and even some details in the dating process makes people have doubts, we are very easy to the only option in front of us, unlimited enlargement of the heart of a little good feeling, and directly to the other party as the center.

We suggest that you should consider dating as an opportunity to get to know others and yourself. By letting go of the obsession of whether or not your heart is in the right place, you can encourage yourself to get to know different types of people and date different people. Sometimes the person who can bring you true happiness may not necessarily be your cup of tea in the first place. And by interacting with different types of people, you have a better chance of discovering what you “need” in a relationship, instead of just looking for what you “want”.

For example, you have always been used to being independent, and you often go out with partners who are busy at work or who like you to be independent, because you have always believed that “keeping your own personal space” is the only way to feel truly secure. However, when you have the opportunity to date a person with a considerate and sincere personality, you realize that the closeness of “dependence” and “expressing vulnerability” deeply touches the softness you have buried for a long time.

Good love is worth waiting for, and it takes patience for both people to cultivate it slowly. So in the dating stage, start with friendship first, not only will you not be overly concerned about gain and loss, this relaxed pace may also find some surprises for you, so that you can get closer to the real object that suits you.

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